“Janet, please don’t throw my letter away. Please read what I have to say. I have to let you know. I don’t want to live a tormented existence throughout my life. I have been in love with you for such a long, long time. I have kept you in my heart for such a long, long time. It started from the first day I saw you in the Sta Maria Kindergarten. I can’t forget you since the day I kissed your tender lips oh so many years ago”, wrote Daniel. What? Does he mean the incident that happened few months ago in the graduation night party?, Janet asked herself. She switched her memory back to her days in the Sta Maria Kindergarten. Gradually but surely, the event unfolded in her memory. She recollects that there was this cute but shy little boy with a dimple who kept following her everywhere. She treated him like a little brother, as being a year older, she was much taller and matured. She remembers he seldom talked, keeping his thoughts to himself; he just stared in her direction with his dreamy eyes. One day, when they were playing a ‘hide and seek’ game at the back of the school yard, this little boy went up to her from behind and called out her name. She turned round to find out who has called her name, and before she knew it, it was too late. This little shy boy suddenly planted a kiss on her lips and then quickly ran way to hide. "Oh...so this little boy was Daniel", Janet tried to compose herself. She continued reading…”Then we both left our kindergarten. You went to Bukit Nanas Convent and I to La Salle. But the thought of you never left me, it still lingers. Each year, I’d eagerly await our annual inter-school badminton competitions. These were the only times I could see you. My heart would pound in anticipation as the time of the completion drew nearer. I couldn’t hide my joy and excitement. I didn’t take part in the badminton competitions. My game was football. But, I would go to the badminton hall very early to occupy the nearest seat just to watch you play. Each year you grew taller and more beautiful than the year before. Don’t think you ever noticed my presence. I couldn’t pick up courage to introduce myself for fear of rejection or worse reprimand for what I did in kindergarten. But, being a member of the Serenade gave me the much need courage.
As fate would have it, we both are now studying at the Victoria Institution. Soon you will be graduating and leaving, but I still have another year to go. I don’t want to see you leave without letting you know. I don’t want to carry my emotions in the corner of my heart and only to bury them in my grave. I don’t know what the future holds after you have gone. It would be hard for to let go, but I guess I would try to let you go over time. Please forgive me for what I did. I have never loved anyone I way I love you, dear Janet”, Daniel signed off.
“Oh, my God..you poor stupid boy, carrying all these feelings in your heart for so long”, Janet feels the suffocation. “I should have known, but I am too busy with my studies. I can’t have a relationship, I mustn’t have any relationship in front of my father!”, Janet tried to reason.
Daniel has not made himself conspicuous since, preferring to avoid contact with Janet. Even when they did come into contact with each other, they could hardly manage a smile. They felt uneasy in each other’s presence. Weeks passed. One day, Daniel saw an envelope in his drawer. The letter in it was written by none other than Janet. She confided in Daniel that her father would not be in school on Friday. Her father would be heading back to their hometown in Ipoh to visit her ailing grandmother for the whole weekend. She asked Daniel if he could walk her back to her house after school. Her house is only 10 minutes walk from the school. Daniel couldn’t sleep for the whole week, counting the days to Friday. Finally, Friday came. “Hi…Shall we walk?”, Daniel asked Janet after school. “Sure, my house is in this direction”, Janet led the way. They walked quietly without speaking, but sensing each other with uneasy silence, patiently waiting for the other to break the ice. Soon, they arrived at Janet’s doorsteps. “Let’s walk to the mountain at the back of my house. It’s not far. Everything is beautiful up there. No school tomorrow. You can leave your bag in my house”, Janet ventured, much to Daniel’s surprise and delight. They ran towards the palm trees, negotiated the bends, trekking the narrow yellow gravel road leading up to the mountain. “It’s beautiful up here!”, Daniel exclaimed. They could hear the magpies sing, the bees hum, the cool fresh mountain air brushing their faces, flowers exuding aromatic fragrance and the soothing flow of the mountain streams. “Can’t get any better than that”, Daniel felt. Instantly, Janet walked up to Daniel and pulled him close to her. “Now, you can kiss me”, she pleaded with Daniel with her pouting lips and dreamy eyes. Daniel kissed her slowly and gently, letting go of all his hidden emotions and feelings. They were tears in his eyes, dripping onto Janet’s face. But they don’t care. They were oblivious to the surroundings. They were lost in their own world. “I want to hear you sing that song to me”, Janet said, lying beside Daniel. Which one dear?, asked Daniel. “Love me with all of your heart. I always ran to hear you sing this song whenever you were performing it with the Serenade”, revealed Janet.
“Love me with all of your heart, that's all I want, Love
Love me with all of your heart, or not at all
Just promise me this. That you'll give me, all your kisses,
every winter, every summer, every fall.
When we are far apart, or when you're near me
Love me with all of your heart, as I love you.
Don't give me your love, for a moment or an hour
love me always, as you love me from the start
With every beat of your heart……..mmm…
With every beat of your heart”, Daniel sang it beautifully with his heart.
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