Troubled Heart

Janet is twisting and turning in her bed, trying hard to sleep; something is bothering her tonight. Perhaps the encounter with Mable Fernandez and Samantha Gan has affected her. She is not sure of many things, mostly with her future, especially marriage life. She cannot think of marrying anyone except to Daniel. He is her first love, her only love. It puts the smile back on her face when she thinks of him, knowing that he truly loves her ; they can be so happy together. But, marriage life is such a huge thing, requiring both of them to make lot of adjustments and sacrifices. Marriage is not just about sharing a life together; it’s about building a life together. She would have to live with another human being for 40 years or more; learning to live day in and day out with someone who was raised differently from her, with different habits and rules. Would they be happy together? Would Daniel change after marriage? Would she change? Doubts set in. How many children are they going to have? Will she keep her present name or take his name? Daniel does not have a career yet and where is he going to settle down?. In KL or UK? She has not lived in the UK and so she needs to do a lot of adjustment, if Daniel wants to start his career in the UK. But, her parents need her around them; she is their favourite daughter, a doctor and the pride of her family. What’s the future going to be? Poor Janet is in state of emotional turmoil.

She woke up late the next day, feeling tired with puffy eyes from previous night’s insomnia. She remembers Lim Siew Eng, her good friend since secondary school. They also proceeded to Sixth Form in the same school. Sew Eng did not go to university although she had scored good grades and would have easily beat her peers for a place in University Malaya. Friends wondered why she did not continue her studies. And she never gave a convincing answer why she gave up her studies. But, soon after her Sixth Form, she got married to a man called Kim Soon. He was from another school and a year older. Siew Eng is the first of Janet’s friends to get married. She married at such a young age. Already she has 2 kids. Janet wonders how her friend is doing. The real reason for her inquisitiveness is she wants to know whether her friend has a successful marriage, whether such a marriage could survive the test of time. She could learn from her friend’s life experience. “Let’s go find out”, Janet thinks to herself.

“Oh. What a lovely baby you have Siew Eng. What’s her name?” “Her name is Ling Ling.” “How old is she?” “She is 2 years old.” Janet is paying a visit to her friend’s house. They are sipping Chinese tea in the lounge, exchanging pleasantries with Ling Ling playing with her toys in her baby cot at the corner of the lounge. Siew Eng’s elder is also a son called Lek Lek. He is 5 years old and Siew Eng puts him in the play school situated two miles from her house. Her husband Kim Soon is working in a commercial bank as a branch inspection officer. His job requires him to travel outstations to where the bank’s branches are situated. He goes there basically to check on the operations of these branches to ensure that they follow the procedures and adhere to the policies as laid down by the bank’s head office. Kim Soon joined the bank straight after getting his Form Sixth results. He was not as good as Siew Eng in studies; just an average sort of student. He never wanted to enter university anyway, and studied enough just to pass his exam. He always wanted to work in a bank. Bank employees are held in high esteem by the people and their salaries are higher compared to other employees in other industries. Moreover, bank employees enjoy attractive financial benefits such as low interest loans to purchase houses and cars as well as allowances for those engaged in outstation assignments. “How did you manage with two young kids Siew Eng? Must be very taxing on you.”, Janet asks. “I have help from Kim Soon’s family. They are such an amazingly closely knit family. Without their help I don’t think I could cope!”. “What do you mean?”, Janet enquires. When I have Lek Lek, Kim Soon’s mum came to stay with us. She cooked for me, washed our clothes, and cared for my baby. She would be the first to get up to do the household chores and last to go to bed. She is so generous, warm, caring and kind to us. She is such a wonderful mother-in-law. And when I have Ling Ling, her eldest sister came to stay with us. She too looked after our needs so well. For the first month of my confinement, she would not allow me to do any housework at all. She even made breakfast for me and brought it to my room. Even now his family is helping us out. Lek Lek is in play school and I have to look after Ling Ling at home. So, in the mornings, Kim Soon would fetch him to the play school and in the evening his younger sister would fetch Lek Lek back to the house because Kim Soon works late in the office. If Kim Soon goes to work in outstations, his sister would volunteer to ferry Lek Lek. I have never seen such a tightly knit family. Their family is so united. They are so good to each other. And Kim Soon is a good husband.”, Siew Eng is proudly introducing her husband and his family. “Is that why you didn’t go to go to university because you wanted to marry him?”. “We are good friends Janet and I know you can keep a secret.” What? What secret?”, Janet feels the urge to want to get down to the bottom of her friend’s untold story. “Remember there was a few weeks in our Lower Sixth’s days when I did not go to school?” “Yes. I remember Siew Eng. You told us that you have to visit an ailing relative in Singapore.” “It’s not true Janet. I went to have an abortion!”, Siew Eng reveals her story. “Oh my god. Really? I can’t believe this!”, Janet is shocked. “Kim Soon and I made love for the first time in our lives. We were young and foolish and didn’t know how to take precaution. I got pregnant. I felt so shamed and lost. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want to tell anyone, including my parents. But Kim Soon said he loved me, he wanted to face up to his responsibility. So, in the end, he was the one who went to my house and told my parents. He told everything to my parents. He said he loved me, wanted me to keep the bay and marry me. My parents were furious, especially my father who to confront his family and to make a police report. Initially he thought the worst of Kim Soon. My father thought Kim Soon was just a playboy who plied on my innocence. My father lunged straight at him and threw a big punch on his face with his fist. He told him he was just a bad hat, a bad influence on me. How could he support a family when both us were still in school. Kim Soon did not react all this time. He just knelt in front of my parents and begged for forgiveness. My father had enough and threw him out of our house. I begged my father not to report to the police. I told him that I loved Kim Soon too and if he were to report to the police, Kim Soon’s future would be gone. Later, my father forced me to get an abortion.”, Siew Eng finally came out with her story. “After the abortion, I thought he would not see me again, that it was just a one night fling. But, Kim Soon persevered. He kept coming to my house to ask my parents for forgiveness. He said he wanted to prove to them that he really loved me and that he wanted to marry me after finishing school and getting a job. Many times my parents questioned me too. Each time, I told them I loved this boy and I would like to be married to him.” “Gosh, what a life you have Siew Eng”, Janet takes a deep breath, at the same time feeling happy for her friend whose relationship with Kim Soon turned out to be a happy one. But, at the same time, she is trying to understand the anomalies of it all. Some relationships which have all the trappings of a successful marriage turned out to be failed marriages. While other relationships which appear to be heading for disasters, surprisingly turned out to be successful marriages. So, what it takes to make a marriage work? Janet is troubled.

“Sister, how can a couple have a happy lasting marriage, and don’t just say ‘pray’ ok?”, Janet came for advice from her favourite nun, if as she knew what the nun’s answer will be.
“Not to pray child? I certainly will ask you to do so!”, Sister Mary of the Bukit Nanas Convent answers instantly. “Perhaps you should seek advice from an expert. There is a good marriage counselor in our community Janet. He is a qualified marriage counselor, who has seen and counseled many couples with marital problems. Some of his clients have personally told me that they were very happy with him and that they have benefitted from him. I can let him know you want to see him. His name is Dr. Gerard Lee.” “Marriage is such a personal thing. It’s like faith. Before you embrace it, you must try to understand it, ask questions about it , learn from the experience of the people, talk to the people who have experienced it”, Sister Mary cannot resist dishing out an advice even though she has given Janet an alternative.

“Yes. I must talk to Daniel. We must have a real heart to heart talk. We need to bring out all our concerns, all our issues and whatever doubts in our minds. We must start our marriage right from the very beginning”, Janet is feeling better, although the task ahead is yet to be carried out.